Embracing the Shadow: How a Meltdown Became My Path to Illumination
The Defining Moment: Meltdown to Awakening
In 2016, I faced a complete meltdown and identity crisis that made me question all aspects of who I was as a mother, wife, daughter, professional, woman, and human being. For four years, I retreated from the public eye, embarking on a forced journey inward.
During the initial years, I was in a deep depressive state, unable to work, experiencing emotional turbulence, reverting to unhealthy habits, and avoiding social functions; all while trying to keep it together for my young kids. My biggest source of willpower to get better came from my children. Knowing I needed to find my way back for them, I started researching and seeking help. Traditional psychotherapy wasn't enough; I needed a softer, more loving, and feminine approach for my wounded state.
By then, I was already part of a beautiful women’s circle. Little did I know that my circle facilitator would become my spiritual guide aka angel on earth. Over a year, she gently nurtured and healed me, bringing me on deep healing journeys, connecting me with my inner child, challenging my deep-rooted patterns, and reintroducing me to my true potential. This defining period laid the foundation for my spiritual awakening and expedited personal growth. Now, I have the privilege of sharing the same loving, personalized, and intuitive guidance with others who share my story.
Early Life and Innate Gifts
Growing up in an unstable home, I was forced to mature early. This family dynamic activated my hypersensitivity, causing me to always be vigilant, observant, and deeply empathetic towards others. I was an introverted and analytical child, fascinated by human interactions and behaviors, which molded me to excel academically in humanities, psychology, linguistics, and liberal arts. It was no surprise that I chose literary journalism as my undergrad major. I’d say it provided me the foundational skills for interviewing, listening, and reflecting that align perfectly with my coaching career today.
Perfection and Inner Struggle
Despite outward appearances of having it all together, underneath, I was barely holding on. Pretending everything was normal felt like a societal norm, especially as an Asian woman. I learned to mask my issues with unhealthy behaviors and busyness until I could no longer continue. I faced challenges such as an identity crisis, low self-esteem, self-doubt, perfectionism, poor memory, unhealthy habits, body dysmorphia, and unresolved childhood traumas. By my early 30s, despite a picture-perfect life, I was constantly stressed, exhausted, unfulfilled, even angry. This prompted more inner guilt, shame, and fear, which weighed heavily on my mental health and wellbeing.
The Turning Point
Buried deep in turmoil, my marriage was suffering, my parenting skills were waning, and my identity was fractured. One day, after months of emotional and mental upheaval, I had an epiphany: I needed to snap out of this state for the sake of my kids. Without me realizing it then, this sudden insight became my first-ever spiritual awakening; everything and anything opened up within me and made perfect sense in that moment. From that day on, I sought help and deeply embraced Thich Nhat Hanh’s motto: No Mud, No Lotus. Motherhood, though grueling, became my spiritual inspiration, transforming my perspective on life, spirituality, and myself.
The Journey of Self-Discovery and Healing
My healing journey was marked by pivotal moments, such as feeling unconditional compassion from my goddess and spiritual guide, Kuan Yin, experiencing inner freedom through movement and dance, and achieving heightened spiritual growth through a year of daily meditation. Having a 1:1 spiritual coach was the game changer that helped me get started in the right way. Practices like solitude, personalized visualizations, chakra exploration, energy healing, journaling, yoga, and community sharing were transformative for me.
Education and Professional Development
My curiosity for mind-body and spiritual healing intensified during my healing years. Initially, I sought classes in meditation, mindfulness, Reiki, yoga, and writing for personal use. However, this journey quickly evolved as I felt the need for a more grounded and scientific approach. This drove me to delve into deeper personal research, eventually leading me to discover Columbia University’s Spirituality & Mind-Body Institute. This ivy-league master’s program, blending psychology with spirituality, was the next step in my spiritual journey. It provided experiential training in intergenerational traumas, spiritually-centric therapy, and maternal and women’s wellbeing, solidifying my expertise and setting the foundation for my meditation coaching career today.
Realizations and Purpose
My "aha" moment towards my life's purpose came gradually. Despite my initial eagerness to figure it out, it was a surrendering and humbling process. Life always felt hard because I couldn’t lose my controlling grip. Yet, it was when I started embracing a softer, gentler mentality did everything feel right. As I flowed with the course of life and cultivated self and spiritual trust, everything organically fell into place. My personal journey is relatable to those ambitious yet exhausted women who’ve been sprinting a marathon all their lives, all while carrying loads of rock-filled baggages, while wearing multiple hats. Because I’ve walked this path, I am certain it is my purpose to help those who were just like me.
Current Life and Practice
Fast forward to today. I integrate my learnings into daily life through a structured yet fluid routine. Mornings begin early with journaling and meditation, followed by movement through yoga or dance. I maintain a semi-structured weekly schedule, working 3-4 days, reserving 2 days for personal time, and dedicating weekends to family. Evenings are spent enjoying home-cooked meals and family time, ending with gratitude or meditation before bed. As a feminine being, I also honor my moon cycle, aligning my life schedule and energy usage with that of my waning and waxing flow — a technique that I often recommend to my female clients.
I also focus on holistic wellness across various dimensions, another important aspect I share with all my personalized coaching clients. Physically, I prioritize intuitive eating, self-Reiki, movement, sobriety, and self-care. Mentally, I engage in meditation, journaling, learning, and resting. Emotionally, I practice mindfulness, connect with loved ones, and value my own personal coaching. Spiritually, I draw on meditation, intuition, and guidance from Kuan Yin and my ancestors, incorporating tarot, energy work, and connection with nature. Professionally, I pursue heart-centered and purpose-driven work, ongoing training, business coaching, while setting clear boundaries and embracing invitations. Socially, I apply coaching theories, loving-kindness, astrology, human design, and practice mindful communication. Lastly, for environmental wellness, I keep to a clean, organized space in my living quarters and work space, while mindfully choosing my everyday consumption and surroundings. While it’s not perfection we’re seeking, these resources offer me inner resilience on my bad days, and joyful peace on my good days!
A Journey to Inner Wisdom
Inner wisdom is a birthright. Connecting with it begins with relaxing, quieting down, and listening to yourself. It always helps to have support along the way, cheering you on.
Trust is also essential—trust in yourself and the journey will naturally align you with your inner guidance. If you’re feeling lost or unfulfilled, know that it’s okay; it’s a sign that it’s time to realign your mind, body, and heart. Be gentle with yourself and allow time for healing. Time always heal.
If my story resonates with you and you’re seeking to find your true self, I invite you to join me on a transformative journey. Whether you're grappling with identity, feeling unfulfilled, or seeking a deeper connection with yourself, I’m here to guide you with the same gentle approach that pulled me through.
Reach out today to start your path toward healing and self-discovery. Let’s embark on this journey together and uncover the true potential that lies within you. Schedule a free discovery call and take the first step toward a more peaceful, joyful, and fulfilling life!