Jessica’s Journey: 40 Years of Self-Discovery

Aging Is Not to Be Feared

I am constantly surrounded by beautiful, powerful women whom I deeply admire—mothers, leaders, talents, and inspirations. Yet so often, our meal conversations turn into discussions about anti-aging treatments, the latest plastic surgery techniques, or half-jokes about the horrors of growing older. It’s as if age is something to be feared.

There’s this collective whisper constantly hounding—warning us of decline, of the need to preserve youth as much as we can. I understand that this fear has always been present, sadly woven into the fabric of how we view aging, especially as women.

I remember watching Friends, the episode where they were all turning 30, and they were so dramatic. All jokes aside, they were terrified of aging—especially our beautiful Rachel.

To me, there’s something profoundly beautiful about the layers life adds to us—the extra sun spots on our faces, the wrinkles and crinkles, the laugh lines, and even the so-called “horrific” crow’s feet everyone seems to be injecting botox to remove. These marks feel like earned badges of honor, deep stories of a life well-lived. They are not something to be ashamed of but experiences to embrace and honor.

Okay, maybe it’s easy for me to say because of the blessing of inheriting youthful genes from my mom. I’ve often received “compliments” about how young I look or how unbelievable it seems that I have a middle schooler. Maybe the grass is always greener on the other side, but I’ve always equated growing older with gaining wisdom, maturity, and a sense of respect. I’ve never wanted to be seen as “just young” because, again, to me, those layers of “age” add depth and beauty to us as a whole.

So as I turn 40 this month, I feel excitement bubbling within me—as if I’ve been waiting for this day to come for months. Something about stepping into this new decade feels monumental in a way no birthday ever has before.

From Shyness to Celebration

Many people don’t know this about me, but I’ve always been an introvert at heart. From when I was little, I’ve struggled with the spotlight. I remember feeling deeply shy but also longing to be seen. Like when I auditioned for a middle school play or ran for high school council—I wanted to be seen so badly, but didn’t make the cut. Even when I went back to grad school in my thirties, I stood on stage in a class and felt waves of panic so intense it was almost paralyzing. And yet, somewhere within me, there’s always been this quiet, persistent voice wanting to be celebrated, wanting to connect, wanting to shine.

For years, I didn’t know how to bridge that gap between my shyness and my desire to connect. So, in my younger days, I turned to partying and drinking—like so many of us do. Those nights brought their fair share of laughter and fun, but let’s be honest, they weren’t truly fulfilling. People would tell me the next day how funny I was when I was drunk—how I’d turned into the preacher and started giving my two cents on everything. I’d laugh it off back then, but looking back now, I see that version of me for what it was: a part of myself that wanted so desperately to speak but didn’t know how to say those things outside the influence of alcohol. It wasn’t necessarily wrong; it just wasn’t the truth I wanted for myself. (Can you relate?)

Planning a Meaningful Celebration

As I grew older, my relationship with birthdays changed. They became simpler, quieter, more about family than myself. It was just easier that way. And honestly, with my birthday falling between Christmas and Lunar New Year, it was easy to let it slip by unnoticed. I didn’t mind… or at least, I told myself I didn’t.

Last year, my 39th, was especially quiet. In Chinese culture, the ninth year is considered inauspicious, so I kept things very hush-hush. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself or my birthday, so I chose peace and quiet instead—not a sign of celebration. But something felt very empty, as if I chose to truly neglect my existence.

So as I approached 40 in the last half-year, something began to stir within me. It was as if this deep, inner voice was telling me that I deserved to use this moment—not to shrink, not to stay quiet, but to celebrate. Turning 40 felt like my next audition, election, or speech—but this time, I got to direct, cast, and create the whole performance.

It was my chance to stand in the spotlight and share the person I’ve become. I knew it was more than just a birthday, but a celebratory moment of the woman I’ve grown into. So, I planned something deeply meaningful, something that reflected who I am today. With the help of my beloved partner (god bless his soul), the incredible events team at Soul Barn, and amazing spiritual guides, we created a birthday party that embodied my true spirit.

The theme: Jessica’s Journey - 40 Years of Self-Discovery

A Secret Garden of Love and Connection

This year, my birthday fell on Lunar New Year’s Eve, so I celebrated a little earlier—10 days before. My mom, my husband, my brother, my two boys, and even our 14-year-old Corgi, Mugsy, joined me as we left the city behind and headed for Wulai—a tranquil, mountainous escape about an hour from Taipei. The lush green forests, the calming sound of the river, and the healthy moisture in the air were so soothing as we drove to the event location.

The venue itself was tucked away in the forest, hidden like a secret treasure waiting to be discovered—a secret garden. We walked down winding stairs through the woods and arrived at a seemingly unfinished building. But the moment we stepped into the perimeter, everything changed. The space opened up into a cozy tatami room, as inviting as someone’s home, filled with all the thoughtful details: red chakra-inspired cushions, fresh wildflowers in green and white, delicious pastries, and bright warm smiles from the staff at every corner.

The Power of Sisterhood and Family

Still, I felt a little anxious. The energy of excitement and nervousness blended together. This was, after all, a kind of “coming out.” I couldn’t help but wonder: Would this real me—this alcohol-free, spiritual-loving me—be accepted? (Yes, even those of us who practice meditation have these thoughts!)

But as each of my dear friends began arriving, one by one, gently directed by my sweet husband, my anxious energy began to soften. Their beautiful energy, their smiles, their effortless grace—it all reassured me. In that moment, I knew they had shown up for me, leaving behind their busy lives as moms and wives to gather and celebrate with me.

When everyone arrived, our sweet instructors El & Nina opened the event with personable icebreaker questions and breathwork exercises to help everyone settle into the space. I remember laughing quietly to myself as I watched my friends and family try it out. This was definitely not your typical birthday party at this age. It was so new to many of them (imagine my 12-year-old), and yet they were still willing to do it—out of love for me. That moment was fun, even a little funny, and so touching. It reminded me how much my friends and family cared, how willing they were to receive this new experience because it was important to me.

As the event unfolded, the instructors guided us through a series of beautiful activities. One of the most powerful moments came when I lay in the center of the room, and my friends and family drew all around me. They poured their well-wishes, their love, our memories, and our interconnected energy into the giant life-size paper I was lying on. Everywhere I turned, I saw their beautiful faces, their kindness, their devotion, their friendship. It felt surreal as I watched them from my perspective, as if I were on a deathbed, but in the sweetest of ways, surrounded by love in every direction.

After a short break, my dear friend and especially talented artist and sound healer Atisha led us all through a remarkable one-of-a-kind sound healing masterpiece produced just for me, mixed with his genuine talent and inspired by the collective energy of the moment and space. With each vibration of the handpan to the trickling bead of the instrument to the gentle yet powerful touch of the sound bowls, he guided us from water into underground caves up into forests and clouds, and eventually into a tranquil lake of our deep interconnected consciousness. At one point, I woke from the trance and looked around. So clearly, I saw the relaxed faces, adorable toes, peaceful smiles, and calm energy level of all my loved ones; I could even hear the gentle snores of my youngest son, who had fallen asleep, soaking in the healing energy gifted by Atisha. Together, we were all receiving the healing and love, and I was so happy to see us all taken care of.

To end this beautiful ceremony, we gathered in a large circle to share our reflections and experiences, honing in on the theme of shared memories. As they each spoke, I had vivid flashbacks of the unique memories we co-shared—from friends since grade 3 to college party nights to motherhood experiences and trips taken together. Then there were my family members—from my mother who gave me life to my younger brother who’s always been by my side since I was 5, to my beautiful boys who shyly smiled at the grandeur of friendship love, and my husband, who’s been with me since my 21st birthday, before we called each other boyfriend or girlfriend. He’s seen so many iterations of me, and I him, yet our love is stronger than ever.

In that moment, I was full. Trusting women hasn’t always been easy for me. I’ve had my heart broken by friendships I thought were solid. But on this day, I felt what true sisterhood and family could be—a bond of trust, admiration, inspiration, and love.

An Invitation to Celebrate Your Authentic Self

If you’re reading this, I hope this entry inspires you to embrace your own celebrations—your birthdays, your continuation days in this lifetime. Know that you are worthy of love, of being surrounded by people who see you and honor you. You don’t need to be afraid of who you are.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone involved, near and far. My heart is so full, and I will remember this moment forever.

40 is not the new 30. 40 is 40, and it’s perfect! I’ve never been more excited to begin this rebirth into my authentic self. Starting today.

Happy Birthday to me!